Daffodils

And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils. – I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud, William Wordsworth

These two lines of literature bring me more joy than any others. I’ve marked the page of a well-worn copy of Norton’s Anthology of English Literature from college which sits on my bedside table. Again and again, no matter the circumstance, I turn to these words for optimism and hope.

The poem begins, though, in a more detached way, with Wordsworth wandering “lonely as a cloud That floats on high.” He pauses at the sight of a field of daffodils. He comes down and takes in their expansive beauty.

I often felt like I was floating above difficult moments, detached from their reality and above their pain. What grounded me then was what others needed – a reassuring word, a hand to hold, normal in the middle of chaos. That was my job and I clung to it. I hope I did it well.

Recalling his “life and food for future years” line from Tintern Abbey, Wordsworth reminds that he visits his daffodils through the bliss of solitude. Too often, solitude now brings the hard moments I floated above. I replay them in my mind, some details sharp and others clouded. It is easy to go down the road of what if and if only and why.

I’m learning to visit those places, but not stay in them. I’m getting better at returning to what I am blessed to know. Every day, we love and are loved. More days than not, we breathe a little deeper and we keep moving. We gather beautiful moments in our hearts and hope they sustain us through the difficult ones life inevitably brings. In remembering what brings us joy and what has brought us pain, we step forward, wiser and more reflective, still able to dance with the daffodils.